Tuesday, 25 February 2014

7 Ways To Make Everyone Hate You On Social Media

The social media landscape offers amazing places for everyone to connect and swap ideas. The following things marketers/social media ‘gurus’ do show why this is not always a good thing.



1. Tweet really obvious yet pointless things about social media as if you’ve just discovered the universal theory equation, like these gems from last year’s Social Media Week London (hat tip to thisisnotaninsight.tumblr.com):

‘By finding the leader you can become the leader! Excellent tip @fourcomms #SMWLDN’

‘Social Business not about technology. It’s about change #smwsobiz #smwldn’

‘The panel all stressing the importance of responding to customers/your audience and doing it as swiftly as poss #SMWLDN #SMWsecrets’

‘Key take out of #smwgooglekeynote #smwldn Google+ can help you engage and connect with your audience. #takenaback’

2. Attempt to make viral content with so little self awareness people will think your marketing department is staffed entirely by former Jeremy Kyle guests.

Example:

In 2009 Quiznos (an American sandwich chain) advertised their new sub by making a spoof of the infamous ‘2 Girls 1 Cup’ video called... ‘2 Girls 1 Sub’. Because nothing gets the stomach rumbling like being reminded of scat porn.

3. The pathetically obvious link bait titles people are posting are getting ridiculous. I know there’s so much content on the internet now it’s difficult to be heard, but please stop it.

DIY Example:

Title
OMG!! You will not believe what this guy/girl/horse/sentient vacuum cleaner did to that girl/guy/other horse/portrait of Richard Nixon whilst completely naked/high/covered in velcro. It will blow your mind/make you believe in ghosts/do your taxes and give you a foot rub.

Content
Someone opens a door and it slightly startles a small dog.

4. Appropriate a hashtag to advertise your own company/product. Especially when that hashtag is about something important or controversial, as it was when clothing line Kenneth Cole got it into their heads that this was a good idea at the height of the riots in Egypt:



5. Using this pathetic non apology when you’ve been caught doing something you really shouldn’t have.

‘It was never my intention to cause any harm and I apologise if anyone has taken offence at my words/deeds/pictures of my crotch/pre-emptive nuclear strike on Portugal’

6. Attempt to ingratiate your way into a completely unrelated conversation in order to try and promote yourself, such as:

@sympatheticfriend:
@grievingrelatives I’m so sorry for your loss. His death was untimely and tragic. #bighug

@annoyingbrand:
@grievingrelatives yes very tragic. Almost as tragic as missing out on our new cut rate mortgage deals! #bigsavings

7. Finally: #This #is #not #an #acceptable #form #of #sentence #structure

If you’ve seen anything on social media that makes you want to carve obscenities into your screen, let us know in the comments and we can mock them together.